yesterday

I hope that you are happy. I had another breakdown this morning. That makes 3 days in a row. I was supposed to go with my family to a fair in Sedalia today, but couldn't handle it due to passing through Columbia and staying overnight in Jefferson City, both contain bad memories. It just made them angry and once again made me feel like a disappointment. When my mother sees me like this, she said it makes her hate you, and that you're not worth it. And for what? So you can be happy and alone, free to do what you want, flirt around unrestricted like old times, like the burden of having me has been lifted? I cannot believe it. I cannot believe you. Were you there? Do you not remember all the times we shared? How you forced yourself upon me until I fell in love with everything about you? How you gave me everything I ever wanted, spoiled me, got me to a point to which I expected certain things, then just took it away like I was a dog?

Do you even think about me anymore? What you've done? How I am feeling? Or do you just ignore it and pretend like it will just go away and you'll be back to normal one day? I think that it would do you good to go back and read those old conversations we've had, to take some responsibility for those things that you've said and done. You made me happy, and I cannot be again without you.