empty

She used to think that I was fabulous and amazing, absurdly attractive, useful on a farm, tall, better looking than herself, too good for her, she was inclined to keep me around because I was good looking and would make out with her, and always liked me because I was always myself and my own person, and didn't care what other people thought. I understand now that she was in a difficult spot when we first got together. She had just come out of a relationship and felt alone and vulnerable, just as I do now. She needed that someone that was there for her, to give her strength and support through tough matters. She had a busy schedule and just wanted to be able to come home to me after a long, hard day at school/work. Then it got far enough for her to realize that she was slowly not needing that someone anymore, and that she could do it on her own, and be independent. That is all well and good, and a very admirable quality, but I am stuck in the middle of all this, and feel like I was just a good time to her. As soon as school was out, she ended it, didn't need me anymore. I guess she doesn't need that someone to care about her, love her, and be intimate with her anymore. This is coming from the person that once thought that no one could love her, who was in love with love and affection and passion, loved the idea of being incomplete without that one specific person, what she really wanted was someone to look her right in the soul through the eyes and tell her that he can't help but love her completely, and that she's so beautiful that it startles him every now and then. Even if she weren't, she wanted to still be loved because she is funny, smart, adoring and idealistic. She thought people didn't really see her, and if they did, they couldn't help but be in love with her. I saw all these things, that is why I love her in the first place, I saw her for her, I understood her (mostly), I laughed with her, I loved her heart.