hard

Some things are hard. This is hard. This is probably the hardest thing I have been through, whether it be physical or emotional. Although, this is incredibly emotionally trying, I just want to be nice. I still want to be there for her. In my situation, this doesn't have to be, but it must be due to my feelings for her. I've already endured graduation without her, and now I've been through her birthday without her........extra hard. It still still went off without a hitch, although maybe not as originally planned, everyone was there and she had a good time. She was gorgeous, as she always was, but this night she was amazing. New dress, new shoes..........she was a different person. The only thing was, she came off as more like herself than she had been in a long while. She seems happy again. She gave me a lot of attention that night. I think she just appreciated what I did for her and what I bought her for her birthday. She arrived, stunning, and greeted everyone, then me. She thanked me for all that I got her and requested a hug. Throughout the night, if I was around, she'd talk to me, go off somewhere, but let me know that she'd be back. She told me that she read the letter I wrote her. I asked her if she liked the flowers I got her, she said she loved them. I told her I knew she would, (white carnations are her favorite). Towards the end of the night, I offered to buy her another drink, but she said that she was ready to head out, after all, she was pretty drunk. We hugged again, about the forth time that night. It was a long hug........she was still there. It was the first time that it felt like it was actually her in weeks. She went away, I had to sit down and was a little emotional, but as she left, she caught my attention: "Adam Lee!" I looked up, she waved goodbye and had her finger on her nose........I love it when she does that! It was always a sign of goodbye or having an idea.........