everlong

I miss her. I feel like shit most of the time. I am spending my last summer of college alone, seeking counseling, and taking anti-depressants. This is NOT how I expected to spend it at all. She was the most wonderful person that has ever expressed any romantic interest in me. I loved her. I loved everything about her. Her touch, her taste, her feel. I gave her the same love that she gave me. We made sure to experience everything with one another, learn about each other, each other's families, each others lives......for 8 months. It meant a lot to me, she meant a lot to me. Now she won't even talk to me, explain herself. The only significant argument I got out of her was that I asked too much of her, she became tired, and when she's tired, she's grouchy, and feels put upon sometimes. Grouchy? When you're grouchy, you tell me and what you want, and I could've taken it easy and backed off. We could've just had some space, because I know we still wanted each other physically. We just couldn't be around all the time like we used to. I respect that. Too much of anyone can be a burden. Now we don't have anyone at all. I feel worthless now, that I'm not good enough for her anymore, even though I was once "too good" for her. She told me that she does miss some things, and I'm sure I know what some of them are. We were so close and comfortable with each other, and it is extremely difficult for me to create that connection, that comfort with someone. I don't want to build that or have that with anyone else. I'll admit that I did put a lot into our relationship, but that is only because I was encouraged to do so. She showed me so much and gave me a whole new world to believe. We started sleeping together relatively early in the relationship (in my eyes), and continued to do so right up until the very end. That is one of the biggest steps of a relationship, and meant a lot to me that we still shared that, gave me confidence. We had that intimacy, that closeness, we were always attracted to each other and enjoyed pleasuring the other. It's not worth abandoning. Neither one of us is either.

I continue to be,

as I will always be,

your faithful.

-Adam