hello, goodbye

Fate brought us together. Uncertainness drove us apart. The hello part was easy, it happened very quickly. I can also recall some memorable goodbyes. Last year, before she had to head to Texas for the Mizzou game, we met for lunch at Bread Co. on a cool afternoon in December. Afterwards, I saw her off and we hugged on the corner before she left. She was going to miss me. At the start of spring break, we were supposed to spend the night together before I left the next day. She came over, but quickly fell asleep that night. She felt bad, and we decided to have sex in the living room on a blanket that morning. It was fantastic, she was so adventurous. I remember one of the last times that we were together, before she left for Chicago, we had lunch at Addison's. We had a good time, the food (as always), was great, and I could still see the love in her eyes.

You don't realize how perfect you are. You're beautiful, smart, funny, caring, adoring, affectionate, adventurous, goofy, and have a wonderful physique. I took all that for granted. You're all I ever wanted. I cannot believe that you were ever angry, bitter, or down on yourself. The only reason people don't immediately accept you is that you have an aggressive personality, you like to talk to new people, and seem very comfortable with them probably out of insecurity and that want for acceptance. I was not up to par with your personality, that's why you broke up with me and not the other way around.

Towards the end, it seemed like the roles had reversed. You were the guy, had all the control, knew all the people, all the events that were happening, initiated all the intimacy, and always seemed to keep your cool, being very comfortable and not extremely excited with our situation. I was the girl, insecure, frightened, worried, attached, did everything I could to make you happy, and viewed intercourse with an almost religious standpoint, believing it to be a big step in the relationship and very committing.

There are some things that should never have happened. While I appreciate it, when there was something wrong, I should have been told, rather than telling me it's nothing or not to worry about it. We shouldn't have had sex when you were having your doubts and going to break up with me within the next couple days. We shouldn't have spent that entire day together during our break if you did not intend to get back together with me. This all just led me on. There are also some things I regret never being able to do. I never had you listen to my choir music from high school, I always wanted to walk through the park with you on a nice day and have a picnic, and I wanted to watch the Dark Side of the Moon/Wizard of Oz synchronization with you.

I still find her long, brown hairs in my room.........