tough

Why is she doing this? Why is she doing this to me? I am still so damned confused. I suppose it's my fault really. During the process, it went from "I still love you and am attracted to you, but it just doesn't feel right", to "I don't love you anymore" and "I don't need you anymore", probably because I pushed too hard. I know that you did "need" me at a certain point, and maybe don't as much anymore, but you pushed so hard for us that I fell for you, I fell in love with you. I am not going to have just been there for you whilst you "needed" me. I wanted to be more than that. I am a great guy and feel that I complimented you well. I know that it is difficult to think about, and you don't want to be making that kind of life choice right now, saying "I don't want to think about this during the summer", and you "don't need that". Tough. I am in LOVE with you, I do anything and everything for you, not because of desperation or neediness, but because of that LOVE. That is NOT going to change. You pushed away because you were comfortable and knew that I would always be there regardless. That's what happens when you have such a busy schedule, and that's fine, that's normal. You weren't hurting me as long as you were there. I acted out of feelings of it being good and right. I've never met anyone like you and was never that happy in my life. Maybe you weren't ready, and you were scared, I don't know, but the way I see it, it's not about being too early to settle down, or wanting to continue a lifetime search, when I find something good and worthwhile, I believe in holding onto it. Not clinging or pulling, but holding on. I was once the object of your love and affection, and I don't believe I did anything to compromise that. I know that there's something hidden inside that you're not telling me, because you're not telling me anything. Knowing what we've been through together, I think I am owed that much. Anytime it is brought up, you quickly disappear or change the subject or get angry with me, making me out to be the bad guy. We are adults, so grow up and talk to me about it. You said that these are difficult conversations to have, and there is a reason for that. You can't just sit on it until it goes away. I am not going to just be dropped like a sack of dirt, with no explanation. I know you know how it feels and I should be hurting, but this is different. I'm sure that this has been the most mature and healthiest relationship either one of us has been in, and I don't think that I am overreacting. I lost a lover, a confidant, and a best friend.