this is it

I am finished attacking and berating you. I am sorry for a great deal of things. As you may expect, for everything I've done and how I've acted over the last month. But a lot of it is stuff from way back when. I am sorry that I came off as arrogant. The last thing I wanted to be is one of those cliche douche bag guys that thinks too highly of himself. It is apparent now that you were not the one who changed, I am. I think that my confidence was perceived as arrogant sometimes. I felt good about myself and so comfortable with us that I had this overwhelming sense of self-confidence and was able to be this powerful person. I lost myself in you. Being with you made me feel like a bigger man. Not necessarily better than anyone else. One example comes to mind. When we were hanging out with Ross and Anna at the Berg that night, I was incredibly rude to Ross, and probably came off as an asshole. That was not my intention at all. I just felt that comfortable with him and liked him a lot. I was just trying to be close and chummy with him. I also wanted to try to be funny in front of Anna. I am so awkward, and try to hide it by making jokes and carrying myself with confidence. You know all I want to be is a nice guy and for people to like me. I also believe that I came off as immature sometimes. We were silly with one another and you thought I was cute when doing so. I felt so young and alive that I wanted to be myself and have fun while we could. You know that I can turn around and be mature and responsible when called for. I am also sorry if I bombarded you with ideas for the future. It felt good and comfortable enough that I started to think about commitment and a future together. I was thinking only of myself and had no right to put that kind of pressure on you. I should never have held this up high enough to get in the way of your ambitions. I should have just lived in the moment. You're a very work-oriented person, and I respect that. Especially when it's something you love to do. I just loved experiencing in all of that. Hanging out in the shop at all hours while you worked on projects, watching the shows that you stage managed, and especially hearing about your Shakespeare class and discussing the aspects of the plays. You gave as much time as you could for us, and I couldn't have asked for more. I broke down and showed that I am not as weak as I come off, and how much I love and care for you.